So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
