Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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