I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
