haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize