If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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