It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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