here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
