between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
