I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
