I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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