At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
