i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
