Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
