Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Holy shit dude........stairs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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