She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
