I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
