I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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