I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize