So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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