Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
