don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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