some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
