1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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