Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
