yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize