I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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