Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
