I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
