Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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