If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
