She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
