she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
