It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize