two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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