I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
