new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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