I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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