At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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