boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
