i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
