What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want is dick and wine.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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