So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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