Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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