I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
