I hate your face
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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