The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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