he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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