THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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