She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
