big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Fuck appropriateness.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Randomize
