I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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