The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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