If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
