so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
