Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
