Best friends brother. Beat that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
