you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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