Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i am craving dick and cupcakes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
