i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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