i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the day after is always just damage control
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
