Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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