Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just found a bag of teeth...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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