would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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