Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize