I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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