Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize