We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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