We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
