put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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