I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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