My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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