Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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