Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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