I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
