i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
