I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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