Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
