I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
