I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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