ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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