I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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