And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
