You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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