she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
