What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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