I hate your face
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
