Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
