I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
