There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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