I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
