Porn is love you can see.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
too bad you live with your parents still
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
