just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
