Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
