Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
