I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We left the knife in your bed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
