So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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