why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
