i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is her dick bigger than yours?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
