All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
