Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
