i need an iv and a liver transplant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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