Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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