Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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