you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
