There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
