I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
